Last week we had the first 5 lessons learned from dating douchebags. Heres the link incase you missed it 10 Lessons I Learned From Dating The Wrong Guy Part One
We looked at the following lessons learned:
1. Never Change To Suit Someone
2. Never Compromise On Your Values And Beliefs
3. Don’t Let Anyone Treat You Like Crap
4. If He Cant Make An Effort At The Start, He Never Bloody Will
5. If He Isn’t In Touch With You, He Ain’t Interested
Now for your reading pleasure here’s the next 5 lessons I learned, yay!
At the end you’ll find a fabulous PDF of the 10 dating lessons you should live by for you to download and keep on your phone, fridge or even in your handbag should you ever need that spark of inspiration as to why you shouldn’t be dating a douche!
6. Lesson Six – Trust Your Inner Voice
You’re inner voice, gut, intuition, whatever you wish to call it. Listen to it, it has your back. Your intuition’s only purpose in life is to look out for you, to keep you on the right path and support you to live the best life possible.
So why do we choose to ignore our inner voice, that inkling of doubt we feel about someone in our lives, we bury down and instead plod on dating the person our inner voice warned us about till one day, lo and behold we get hurt. How very surprising…not.
Clinton came into my life when I was on a high, not a weed induced high or anything but a life high. I was feeling good about myself, exercising, eating well and feeling top of my game, I was even winning awards at work, not that easy when you’re a nurse I’d like to point out. Yet despite awesomeness oozing from my every pore I let him windle his way into my life, despite the fact he was in a relationship and my inner voice was screaming GET THE FUCK OUT OF THERE at the top of its tiny lungs.
I became that woman, it took him 18 months of persistent contact and attention, making me his friend and playing me like a fiddle before he made his move, which he did so with executed precision and before I knew it, I was in to deep. I believed his bullshit and lies that his relationship was over. It wasn’t till I found out it wasn’t and forced him to make a choice that he surprisingly didn’t choose me.
Why would he, he got what he wanted, I was the trophy mounted on his wall, he’d won the hunt and I was left devastated, if only i’d listened to my inner voice.
Lesson Learned: Always listen to your inner voice, it’s the kind quiet one that loves you. The other loud one talking shite is your inner bitch – ignore that one and we’ll deal with her in another post coming soon. Your inner voice is your best friend, don’t neglect her.
7. Lesson Seven – Never Settle
We’ve all been hurt, so when a nice guy comes along we think we’ll maybe we should just date him. I mean he’s safe, stable and not a douchebag and despite our inner voice, and often heart and head too, repeatedly telling us their not the person for us, we choose to settle.
Choosing to be comfy and safe rather than deliriously happy is the easy path to take
My safe bet was an older man. He was not my type at all so I thought perfect for me, after all, the douchebags were steadily mounting up and clearly my man compass was broken so dating the polar opposite of my “usual” appeared to be the sensible decision, I was very, very wrong.
He drained me, I quite literally became a shadow of myself, I become depressed because he was so dam serious and negative all the time, I found myself crying and withdrawing from my friends and family. I was a mess.
It took a lot of strength and a bit of a woo woo moment to happen for me to find clarity and leave him but unfortunately it wasn’t that simple, he became a tad obsessed and stalked me for many months, I found myself sleeping with a knife under my pillow and a rolling-pin beside my bed for quite sometime, something I hadn’t done since my ex husband.
Lesson Learned: Granted my settling example may be a little extreme, but it’s hopefully food for thought, settling is never a good idea no matter how safe an option it seems. Learn from me and don’t do it, you owe it to yourself to hold out for that person who’s as awesome as you.
8. Lesson Eight – Heartbreak Is A Chance To Grow
Heartbreak is the worst. It’s probably one of the first times in our life we ever fully experience an emotion causing us physically pain. How can you heart physically ache for someone?
It’s one of the amazing powers of the mind and a great example of how we give strength to the words we use. I know it doesn’t feel like it, and i’m going to sound very sadistic right now, but this pain is good.
It was hard to choose an example for heartbreak, I have a few to choose from, but I decided to tell you about one of my teenage ones. I was in the army cadets and met a guy from another company, he was cute and funny and I really, really liked him we dated on and off for months till he broke my heart. I was devastated. I thought he liked me back *cue sad teenage girl face*:(
I cried, I swore, I ranted and I curled up in a ball. On reflection, I was a maybe a little bit dramatic in my response. However after I got through this moment of horror I grew, I found my woman strength and I learnt my first lesson in how heartbreak helps you grow. I saw the situation for what it was, not life changing, I was still me, I chose to learn from the experience.
This learning involved walking down the street with my best friend at the time singing Gloria Gaynors, I will survive at the top of our lungs and I can tell you, it was bloody awesome.
Lesson Learned: Gloria Gaynor is 100% right. You will survive. you will be stronger and better off for it and even though it hurts now, it’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all… oh and also you avoided spending your life with someone who clearly wasn’t right for you in the first place. Bullet dodged.
9. Lesson Nine – Good Guys Aren’t a Myth
This is hard to believe at times, but good guys do exist. I’ve been privileged to see friends and family in amazing relationships, one’s that complement and bring out the best in them. My aunt and uncle, my cousin and her husband, my mum and step dad and my best friends parents to name but a few. Inspiring relationship’s that demonstrate, kindness, compassion, love, respect, trust, friendship and fun. Awe inspiring.
I’ve been lucky enough to meet a great guy, the guy who gets me and I can talk utter shit with till the cows come home. However like the Sheryl Crow song lyrics “you meet the man of your dreams then you meet his beautiful, beautiful wife” yep the man of my dreams is married. so why am I telling you this, well because he’s a good guy, actually he’s a great guy and although I will never be with him romantically, and I don’t want that, we are friends and I like to think, really dam good friends. He reminds me that great guys do exist.
He adores his wife and is another example of a great relationship and I’m honoured to call him my friend. Knowing that my friend accepts me, even when I’m annoying the shit out of him and tearful (he’s experienced all layers of the crazy Naomi cake) he still is always there. If that aint a good guy, then I don’t know what is.
Lesson Learned: Good guys do exist, look around you and I bet you can find a few! Keep that hope alive, your’s will find you when the moment is right.
10. Lesson Ten – You Can’t Find Love Till You Learn To Love Yourself
The most important lesson of all. You have to love yourself.
Accept your faults, imperfections, crazy moments and still know your awesome
Without self-worth, life sucks. You feel somethings missing, unhappy for reasons you can’t quite put your finger on and self-doubt becomes a daily monologue in your head. Nobody should ever feel this way, in fact that’s my mission, to help support as many women as I can to find their self-worth and stop the cycle of self hate that so many of us get sucked into.
I’m not going to give you an example for this one, because the other lessons are stellar examples of times when I didn’t love myself, when I let myself be treated badly, when I compromised who I am as a person to suit someone else. Never again.
Now you my dear reader are amazing, you’re a beautiful soul with so much to give, never once expecting anything in return, I already know that you shine like the brightest and most beautiful star in a sky full of moons. So if I know this about you, then you need to know this about you too.
I want you to do a little thing for me, just a small tiny task. I want you to right now go to your nearest bathroom, look in the mirror, deep into your eyes, see your beautiful face staring back and say
“I am an amazing unique woman who deserves to be happy, I choose to be happy, I choose to love and respect myself” then smile the biggest beautiful smile you can and say “I love you”
I get that this is hard, embarrassing and maybe a bit out there for some of you to stomach, but trust me on this one, this isn’t an easy task to do, but the benefits if you do this everyday are immense. Reading this your initial reaction might be to say, no chance Naomi you weirdo, perhaps it makes you feel uncomfortable to do it? Maybe you should ask yourself why you react like that, why your defences go up and you feel embarrassed about saying I love you to the most important person in your life, you. Be brave and give it a try.
I’m pretty sure if your reading this article then you too, at some point in your life, have put yourself out there, let yourself be open and vulnerable with someone to just end up finding yourself hurt and rejected, so take my learnings and remember they are also yours.
You are a strong, beautiful powerful woman and deserve to be with someone who will love and cherish you.
Never give up looking, I whole heartedly believe that the right man or woman is out their waiting for you, you just need to believe.
Share if you have a strong wonderful woman in your life who needs a little reminder of the lessons she’s learned by dating a douchebag and I’d love to know if there’s any lessons you’ve learnt that I haven’t mentioned. I always love to connect with a fellow dating disaster survivor!
Don’t forget to add in your email below to receive the PDF of the 10 lessons of dating to live by that I created as a friendly reminder to inspire you next time you find yourself in the company of a guy who doesn’t deserve you. As an added bonus, you’ll also receive my fortnightly email packed full of inspiration and guidance from yours truly.
PS: this article makes me seem like bit of a hussy dating all these men, well I am and I’m proud to say that i don’t regret a single one of them, after all without the wrong guys and my hussy, loose legged ways, i’d still be treating myself like crap and self hating like a mofo.
Long live the hussy who got it wrong a whole heap of times before she finally learnt her true self-worth!