Hey there fellow Badass,
I’ve noticed a worrying trend recently and its that more and more women are scared of being alone. They seem to be constantly searching for ways to avoid being alone, from the work colleague who serial dates on tinder to the friend who endlessly goes out, just to avoid being home alone.
There are even the women who keep negative people in their life, preferring to have negative, emotionally draining relationships, then spend time on their own! It seem’s like some people are just unable to spend time in their own company.
I get it, I used to be the same
I would get scared and swear I would feel physical pain when I was on my own. I had this deep-rooted belief that I needed someone to fulfil me. I would spend my evenings glued to dating sites talking to anyone, craving that feeling of attention, of feeling wanted just so I didn’t feel so damn lonely. When I would go out with my friends, I’d get so drunk, I’d become the loudest, the centre of attention, just to feel liked for a short time and not so alone.
The pain of being alone ate me up inside, I didn’t know how to describe it or how to fill it so I kept searching externally for that one thing that would finally complete me – men, alcohol, food, TV anything to fill that void.
It wasn’t till I realised that I needed to address the core of the problem, the root of my loneliness that I finally filled that void. I learned to be comfortable with myself. I want to share how I did it with you, so that you too can become comfortable with being with being on your own. Because trust me, you’ll never find someone who will truly make you happy, if you cant be happy being with yourself.
1. Spend Some Quality Time With Your Thoughts
The first step is to spend some time with the thoughts in your head. Yes, this is scary and yes and it may even feel confronting at times, but spending time with your own thoughts is actually a blessing in disguise. Being alone and really connecting with yourself provides time to relax and really reflect and process how you’re feeling.
Some people tell me that sitting quietly on their own makes them feel stupid. I get it, time doing nothing but sitting listening to your own thoughts is hard when you have no free time as it is. That’s why I recommend making this quiet time something relaxing such as taking a bubble bath or meditating to soft music (I recommend the one giant mind mediation app on iPhone)
It can even be as simple as just breathing. Take a few minutes throughout your day to breathe deeply, 10 breathes in through the nose and out through the mouth. Really let your thoughts come to you at this time, ask them what they want you to know and allow yourself to really connect to what’s important…You!
2. Do Something You Love
Step two is to make your time alone enjoyable by doing something you love. When faced with time alone we need to stop ourselves falling into the default setting of seeking a distraction. Sure checking your emails, scrolling through your favourite social media feed or going through your chosen dating app might pacify you for a short time, but it doesn’t fulfil you.
Once you finishing with your distraction, the loneliness starts to creep back in and you might even have the added bonus of feeling like crap because everyone on social media seems to be more happy and content than you! Choose instead to do something you love, that rejuvenate’s and empowers you. Something that makes you feel good.
Maybe its exercise, baking, yoga, going for a walk, music, dance, reading or being pampered, whatever it is that lights you up, do it. This is your time to do something just for you. By spending this time doing something you love, your mind begins to connect alone time as being your time, which in turn releases feel-good hormones, changing your associating of being alone from one of fear to one of gratitude and love.
A friendly reminder for all the ladies who care for someone, make this time for you. Don’t do something for you as your rushing to do something else (shopping, pick up the kids etc..) this is your time, savour it.
3. Challenge Yourself To Do Something That Scares You
I’m not gonna lie, step 3 can be a scary one! Step 3 is about doing something that scares you when you’re alone. Now I don’t mean start abseiling from your bedroom window using just the sheets from your bed or attempting a little bit of fire eating using the bamboo skewers lurking at the back of your kitchen drawer. What I mean is to make alone time something, that although may initially scare you, actually makes you feel a little more alive.
I want is for you to push past your comfort zone and break away from the norm by doing something that challenges you. Perhaps it’s having a coffee in your local cafe, that isn’t to take out, going to see a movie alone, having a drink at a bar, a meal at a local restaurant, trip to a museum or art gallery maybe even a sauna, swim or new exercise class with no one you know. Whatever it is you choose to do. Push yourself from your boundaries and do something for you. This is your date time!
There you have it, my 3 steps to master being alone.
Trust me, if you follow these 3 steps and take the time to do them the next few times you’re alone, that fear and anxiety you feel when you’re alone will soon begin to change to feelings of gratitude and excitement at having that precious you time!
How do you feel about alone time? Do you have tips and tricks to master this time? As always I’d love to hear from you in the comments below. Until next time.
Never stop being you,