Do you ever find yourself saying yes to everything? That you take on way to much to keep others happy? Or perhaps the opposite, you find yourself being let down by others because deep down you believe your happiness isn’t that important?
If so, then perhaps you’re suffering from a serious condition known as people pleasing
This common condition predominately affects women and can nearly always be contributed to a painful past, heartbreak, trauma or bullying. I myself used to suffer from this serious condition, in fact, sometimes I still do.
You see, for years I had been seen as a strong, confident woman, yet in reality, I was a people pleaser. Allowing others to treat me however they wanted, even when it hurt me.
For example, one year it was coming up on my birthday. I had made some plans with a few different people on different days to not only catch up, but also to celebrate my birthday, and although I hadn’t planned anything big, I was still looking forward to catching up with the people I cared about. However, I ended up being let down by every single one of them… including my own mother. At first, it made me feel like crap, my self-doubt and self-hate thoughts came out in full force and I won’t lie, I cried a bit.
Then after I got over my little pity party, I started to think about how I let others treat me and discovered that I was a full-blown people pleaser. I had become the woman who would always say ‘I don’t mind’ ‘Let’s do what you want to do’ or ‘Of course we can reschedule’. I even let others treat my kids like that, such as turning up late for their birthdays (or not at all!) because, in reality, they were actually doing it too me. That old chestnut of Naomi won’t mind.
Now when I realised this, I could’ve gotten mad. I could have blamed those around me who’ve treated me badly. Who’ve been selfish in their actions, those who’ve never thought about me. I could have blamed them but where would that have gotten me?
Instead, I realised it wasn’t their fault, it was mine. I’ve been letting the people I love and care about treat me like this for years, so much so, I don’t even think they realise they’re doing it. It’s become normal behaviour.
How do you let others treat you?
I want you to take a moment to think about how others treat you. Chances are if there’s an area they treat you crappy in, its because you’re subconsciously allowing and encouraging them to do so. More than likely you have a deep-rooted belief that you don’t deserve to be treated better. That you don’t deserve to be respected, your needs thought of or for you to ever be the priority. Perhaps you can relate to that, I know I can.
Don’t worry though, there are a few things you can do to cure this people-pleasing condition:
1.Identify where it is your people pleasing
Try to become actively aware of areas in your life that you always put others first. Maybe it’s at work with your colleagues, at home with your kids or when you catch up with friends or family. When do you put yourself last and allow others happiness to be a priority?
2. Start to put boundaries in place.
Setting boundaries doesn’t have to be scary. It can be as simple as learning to say no to the things you don’t want to do or sharing your feelings with others when they let you down. The point of boundaries isn’t to push others away, its to open up the barriers, so your voice can be heard and they realise their actions have upset you. Honestly, you’d be surprised by the number of people close to you, who don’t even realise they are hurting you with the things they do!
3. Don’t fall into the blame game
It’s easy to blame others for how we feel, especially when we are in full on people pleaser mode. But I want you to remember that you have the choice to decide how you feel. You can choose to feel put upon, resentful or let down or you can choose to let it go, to focus on you and put your happiness first.
At the end of the day, people pleasing is a serious condition, that can pull you down and fill you with self-doubt and hate. But you can overcome it, you just need to smile and politely make yourself heard.
Remember, you deserve to be treated the way you treat others, with respect, kindness and understanding.
Are you a people pleaser, perhaps this post has made you realise you too allow others to walk all over you if so, don’t worry you’re not alone and you can do things to stop it happening. The first step is all about building your confidence and unleashing your inner badass. Download your badass kit below and get ready to become the beautiful badass woman you were born to be!
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